It’s scary to be assertive, because it could be detrimental to our relationships, right?
I get it – I used to get bullied, so I learned not to say anything that could cause friction with other people.
I’d rather them like me, even if it meant I had to inconvenience myself. No big deal.
But now, I’ve learned that being assertive is cool.
Being assertive won’t make people dislike us.
Instead, people will actually respect us more.
People want to hang out with us more, because the reality is, people don’t like pushovers, or wishy washy people.
They want a friend who they can trust, and rely on. They want a coach who is approachable, and direct. They want a leader who is relatable, and clear.
They want communication to be specific and effective.
So, when you are assertive, you’ll get to honour yourself and set your own boundaries. And oh does it feel so empowering and liberating to do so.
You get to protect your own energy, while building BETTER relationships without any resentment and confusion.
How?
To be more assertive, you need to stop overexplaining or justifying yourself.
Stop saying filler words like:
- Sorry, I want to say…
- I guess…
- I “just” wanted to…
- This is “kind of’ important
1. Weak:
“I just think this might be a good idea, but of course, it’s just my opinion and I could be wrong…”
Strong:
“Here’s an idea worth considering.”
2. Weak:
“This probably doesn’t make sense, but what I’m trying to say is that we could try a new approach, if that’s okay?”
Strong:
“Let’s explore a new approach that could work better.”
3. Weak:
“Sorry, I’m not sure if I’m explaining this clearly, but basically the point is…”
Strong:
Say your point directly. Then pause and ask, “Let me know if you need clarification or to ask any questions?” if needed — don’t pre-apologize.
4. Weak:
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I know it might not be the best idea, but just hear me out…”
Strong:
“After some thought, I have an idea.”
5. Weak:
“So, um, the reason I did it this way is because I wasn’t sure what would work best, so I just kind of went with what felt okay…”
Strong:
“I chose this approach based on what I felt was most effective at the time.”
Being assertive isn’t aggressive, it’s clarity.
It’s not awkward, it’s authority.
It may lead to short term rejection, but it will lead to long term respect.
Want more? Get personalised guidance on how you can speak with confident authority in your business and on stages here
